ME: so superbowl got any plans? FRIEND: when is it? (I’m gay remember?) ME: omg live the stereotype down. this Sunday FRIEND: This sunday? Whoa… sorry…I have plans…cause this sunday…THE ROAD TO WRESTLEMANIA BEGINS AT THE ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!! OH YEAH BROTHER! ME: wait what? WWE has a PPV on Superbowl Sunday? FRIEND: isnt that crazy? … Continue reading
ME: oh my god, Becky FRIEND: LOOK AT HER BUTT. ME: I need to start calling more people Rump-a-smooth-skin FRIEND: Speaking of butts, I watched a documentary last night. FRIEND: Directed by Method Man from Wu Tang Clan. FRIEND: They went to 5 different cities and went to strip clubs. FRIEND: Oh, and they interviewed … Continue reading
It’s been ages since I’ve kept up with this blog thing. I wish I had a good excuse – like maybe I’m busy or something – but I keep encountering startling evidence to the contrary. Observe this chat: ME: NOW I NEED CHEESE ME: wth, my body? FRIEND: I already ate my cheezits. Yer outta … Continue reading
FRIEND: I’m only half way through this but it’s already my favorite music review ever. FRIEND: woman that goes by “GloZell” interpreting the lyrics of Kesha’s Tick Tock ME: … genius! I’m already sold. ME: And it’s Ke$ha. Just like it’s P!nk. Kids these days, eh? FRIEND: Meh, 15 minutes from now no one will care FRIEND: And … Continue reading
ME: so I had a dream the other night ME: that the zombie apocalypse had come ME: and my family and I were trying to gain entry to the only safe human compound on the region ME: others had already gotten in ME: DrunkAndAngry, for being a berserker zombie killer ME: DrunkAndAngry’s Wife, for keeping … Continue reading
Me: Mom is coming into town tomorrow morning, and she’s cool to do bedtime with the kiddos so we can go see Percy Jackson. The Husband: Yay! Me: Indeed! This means I need to get The Girl’s room cleaned up tonight. Maybe wash some sheets, including ours. If we close the doors to the laundry machines, would … Continue reading
Dear Coworker, My name is right there in my signature line. Spelled correctly. Your continued misspelling of my name can only be deliberate. Of course you know, this means war. I shall be sending a manservant to officially slap you across the face with a glove. No reason we can’t handle this like gentlemen. Regards!
me: hag! quick! I have a question! gay friend: yes me: are we near-middle-aged mother-type women allowed to own and embrace the term “M I L F”? Cuz I think I look pretty damn milfy today gay friend: Hell to the no me: drat. I’m too young and too married to be a cougar, though! so … Continue reading
Oh, Facebook pals, how you never fail to amuse me. Especially when you so badly want to work some serious mope.
friend: How excited am I that Whitney Houston is coming out with a new album? friend: SO EXCITED me: SHE IS??? friend: September 1, baby me: I didn’t even realize I missed her till just now me: I wonder if you can hear the crazy on the album, of if they’ll run it through some … Continue reading
