Would if I could, but I can’t, so I won’t

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March 19, 2009 by skwishface

I should maybe get over myself. Yes, I’m pregnant. In fact, I’m eleven days away from my due date, so I don’t feel it would be inaccurate to pronounce that word as “puh-REGNANT”. Yes, every day that crawls by without me going into labor is another day that I should be treasuring as the calm before the storm, the last few days of The Boy’s only-childhood, the last few full nights’ sleep, the last few golden moments of boobs that don’t leak and shirts that don’t smell of sour milk.

But no. Apparently I want to be a brat about this waiting. I want my body back. I want to bend at the waist without involuntarily groaning. I want to laugh or cough without risk of peeing on myself a little. I want to be able to have sex with The Husband in more than one position. But more than anything, really, I want to introduce other people to my daughter. I know her pretty well by now (one could say we’re on intimate terms. perhaps the most intimate imaginable), but nobody else really does. And dammit, I’m tired of worrying all by myself. I’m the only one carrying her around right now, so I’m her First Response Team. I’m the one who has to decide if she’s moving enough or if she’s being too quiet, or if the leaky feeling I’ve got is normal or ominous, and I’m the only one who can decide whether or not a situation is dire enough to alert medical experts. I will never ever stop worrying about this baby, but at least once she’s on the outside I can get other people to share worry duty. Pregnant worry is lonely.

I’m not the first woman to ever be pregnant, and this isn’t even the first time for me. I’ve been down this road before, so this time I know that when I start getting all broody and tense and worked-up over the waiting then I just need to have a glass of wine and go to bed. This has all happened before, and will happen again (though probably not to me – The Hubs and I have decided that probably two sprogs is enough). Everything will be fine, and in the grand scheme of the universe my drama is really just not that big a deal.

 

Other things that are happening in the world that are maybe a bigger deal than my crap:

AIG takes $173 billion of taxpayer money, pays themselves bonuses, bail. President pledges to take responsibility for the bullshit.

Austrian man finally goes to trial for keeping his daughter imprisoned for 24 years and fathering several children with her.

The world finally issues a warrant for the arrest of the Sudanese president for war crimes, and he responds by kicking every international relief worker out of his desperately needy country. If any didn’t get out fast enough, this happened.

This cat is coming to kill you.

 

How’s that for perspective?

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