Halloween Candy Cookies

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November 6, 2011 by skwishface

So, I’m a slacker.

Or, more accurately, I’ve been really really active at doing ANYTHING BUT updating my blog. The whole foodblogger thing has kinda been played out, hasn’t it Internet? I mean, everybody and their mother has a food blog these days. And yet here I am. Because ya know what? Food is meant to be shared and recipes shouldn’t be hoarded. I’m on a mission, dammit. A crusade for the happiness of all tummies everywhere!

What sets me apart from other foodbloggers? Not a damn thing. Except maybe the fact that I’m dropping any pretense of a cohesive vision for the recipes I toss up on this site, in favor of ACTUALLY POSTING said recipes.

Time management, man. It’s all about compromise. And about shipping your kids off to your mother’s house for the weekend so you actually have time to manage.

So! Let’s ease back into this, shall we?

Halloween happened not too long ago. This year, The Boy was a ghost. We’re talkin’ old school, with the white bedsheet with eyeholes (and a mouth hole – The Boy insisted). He was a smashing success! Folks really seemed to dig the classic cheap-ass homemade costume. In a neighborhood swarmed by princesses and Jedi and anime characters, he was the only plain ol’ ghost. This prompted people to heap candy upon him by the handful. The Girl, it should be noted, had many costume options but chose to abstain, preferring to supervise the evening from the sanity of her stroller.

Anyway, a week of steady snacking by the whole family later, we still had a massive pile of brightly packaged sugar. So I picked out everything chocolate-based.

Anything involving peanut butter was devoured before November 1st dawned.

I didn’t want these guys to feel unloved. Oh, Milky Way! Just because you’re a poor man’s Snickers, doesn’t mean you’ll be allowed to grow dusty and stale and eventually be negligently thrown in the garbage! That’s a fate we reserve just for the Tootsie Rolls. Because seriously, eff Tootsie Rolls.

So I decided to do for them what I once did for band candy. Turn them into cookies. Honestly, this may be my solution to all of life’s problems.

First! I stripped ’em all nekkid.

Also a perfectly good solution to all of life's problems.

Note: anything involving caramel should be put in the freezer for about 10 minutes. This will firm up the caramel and minimize cussing as you proceed to through the next steps.

Next, I took a knife to the little darlings and lovingly hacked them to bits. Except the M&Ms. They needed no hacking.

Also, also a solution to all of life's problems. Ya know, for a psychopath.

See what I mean about firming up that caramel? This would be one massive sticky glob of rage-inducing hate-candy if I’d skipped that particular step.

Then I made cookie dough. Too lazy to post the recipe, I shall instead just sort of shrug in the general direction of this link. Click on it, and marvel at a time when I was both dedicated to foodblogging and thorough in my cross-posting.

Cookie dough is cookie dough, y’all. Sugar and butter and flour and omg …

Pictured above: the undoing of self restraint.

… for real, nobody will judge you if some of this ends up in your mouth prior to baking. Particularly the choice bits with the slowly-melting caramel chunks. You’re among friends, here.

Here is where I would typically include pictures of the little scooped-out balls of dough lined up on the cookie sheet. Or artful shots of the cookies as they sat cooling on the racks, or fresh out of the oven with little random bursts of caramel and nougat making pools of delicious at the edges of some of the cookies. But I won’t, because my phone hates me.

Lemme ‘splain.

I recently got a fancy schmancy Android 2 smartphone. The camera on this phone is better than the camera in my camera. So I’ve been using the phone pretty much exclusively for picture taking lately. In order to get pics from the phone to the computer, I had to email them to myself. One of those emails – the one with the mid-baking pics – arrived SANS PICTURES. Which I didn’ realize until after I had deleted the original pics from my phone.

Shucks and other comments.

And so today, I have only the finished product shots. And they are glorious.

So ... many ... cookies.

The good news – the Halloween candy is gone! The bad news – I now have dozens of cookies in the house. My coworkers had best brace for sugar impact on Monday, is what I’m saying.

INCOMING!

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