Coming Soon: Just Because It’s a Steaming Pile of Tropes Doesn’t Mean I’m Not Already Weeping In Terror

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September 19, 2012 by skwishface

On the one hand: seriously Hollywood? You’ve run right the hell out of ideas, haven’t you. In the trailer alone we have … Lovely young family moves into a forbidding-looking house in which the previous owners (also a lovely young family) were murdered not so long ago, Dad finds a mysterious box in the attic full of old videos, said videos are watched, and the BAD THING starts happening. Kids say creepy things and move unnaturally, parents look at each other in pensive horror, an expert is consulted, the BAD THING is bad for real and for serious and is coming for the children, lovely young family try to leave house but house apparently won’t let them. Oh, and there’s an axe.

On the other hand: NO. Nonononononono. Never ever. Creepy little girl said my damn NAME. Keep it the hell away from me. The trailer alone made me want to rush home and hide my kids under a blankie. I’d have to hide under there with them, of course. For safety reasons.

So go see it if you want, but I’ll be doing something that’s more kind to my nerves. Like juggling cats. Cats that are on fire. 

Though, I must say, it’s nice to see Ethan Hawke working again, even if he is really really sweaty.

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